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! [03 Feb 2003|12:54am]
[ mood | worried ]

Totally Innocent -
Some how or another, you have managed to keep
yourself pure. Woo whoo for you!!! People could
call you naive, and probably laugh when you
ask, "Come(cum)? Come where?" Don't
worry, this wont last forever, you'll get your
innocence ripped away sooner or later.

Are you innocent? (Male Version)
brought to you by Quizilla

Not if I can help it! I'm proud to be ignorant in that regard. Must keep my mind and heart pure of pollutants.

I'm behind on a project I'm working on for work. No sleep for me tonight.

Man Rocket Arena 3 is addicting. And a blast! I would never have expected it, but it's so challenging and I'm so competitive that I guess the two just mix. Less than two weeks now to the LAN, how I can get somewhat decent before then.

Less than two weeks to something else, too. Ah, well, if I can just get clear of this it's smooth sailing until Halloween again.

Oh well work to do. I'll be on AIM late if anyone wants to talk.

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oops [03 Feb 2003|12:59am]
[ mood | blah ]

Ah, also wanted to mention that I went bowling on Saturday after work partly for something to do, and partly for some much needed stress relief. My average is still an inconsistent 135. I have streaks of greatness though, just never for an entire game.

Something else to work on.

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"Instead of saying 'You've got mail', they should say... [03 Feb 2003|02:37am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

'You've got more spam, dickhead!'"


There once was a man so desperate for answers, that he forgot why he was asking the questions.

"What is the point?" he would ask himself. But that would only lead to more questions. More and more questions, everywhere he looked. Everyone he saw, everyone he knew, everyone he loved, all brought forth question upon question whenever he encountered them.

One day the man became stuck. He was bored, and so decided to pursue some of his favorite questions. But when he tried, he felt nothing. He could remember all of the questions, and he could ask them, but there was something missing. He no longer felt the questions. This depressed the man greatly. "What is the point?" he asked himself again, as he had so many times before. But even that once trusted question brought forth no emotion. He became enraged, striking walls and throwing books and screaming all the while, until a friend who had come to visit sat him down and calmed him.

"What is the point?" he asked her.

"What is the point of what?" she replied.

The man could not answer her question. In all of his searching, all of his asking, his intent was lost on himself. He had left the motivation, the feeling, the humanity behind for more "noble" pursuits. It was then that he realized that this, here, sitting with her, sitting with anyone--this was the point. It was not the answers to questions that he truely sought, but the questions to the answers which surrounded him completely everyday. He became so overcome with emotion that he wept.

"What is wrong?" his friend asked with concern in her voice.

He looked up from his tears and smiled his broadest smile. "Nothing. Nothing is wrong."

No truer words have ever been spoken.


I suppose everyone has their strengths and their weaknesses... their knows and their don't knows. Some focus on their strengths, their knows, and are happy. Others focus on their weaknesses, their don't knows, and are never satisfied. A few others never focus at all. Whichever you or I choose, realize that it is a conscious decision, and in so being is one that we may change at will. Your point of view is yours and yours alone to control.

I love this song. And this video. I have to double-check to make sure it's not playing, because I can still hear the chorus in my mind.

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hmmm... [03 Feb 2003|03:11am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

You know how earthquakes happen? massive pieces of rock floating on magma are constantly pushing against each other. These rocks are the sizes of continents, or even larger. They are always there, always pushing, with more energy and friction that we could ever imagine. And once in a while they slip- an eight of an inch here, a half inch there, sometimes even a few feet, and the lives of millions in some state or some coutry are all changed forever. How do you account for something like that? How do you prepare yourself for the Earth moving underneath you? You don't. But I wonder, if on those days, 500,000 people wake up with a knot in their stomach. A feeling like today, something is going to happen. Today is different, it will not be like every other day. And they dismiss it. And they never see another day. They never see another sunrise, they never see another loved one, they never hear another song. All because they kept it to themself. They didn't tell their loved one, something is wrong. Something doesn't feel right. And their loved one didn't respond, then stay home. Don't drive to work today on that busy freeway over that big bridge. Stay home with me and we'll drink tea and have a food fight and make fun of soap operas and live life as best we can.

And then I realize, that 6 billion people woke up to the sunrise today. Six billion. Six billion people who dodge such incidents, such twists of fate countless times per day. That's six thousand million people. Six thousand thousand thousand people. And there is a purpose for each and every one of them.

And then I wonder, is there? Is there purpose? Well, I truely, 100% believe there is a purpose for each and every person that exists. Whether it is divinely written or only self-deduced I don't claim to know, but who is to say what that purpose is. Who is to say what each and every one of those six billion peoples' purposes are? Have you ever slowed in your car to notice and smile at some children playing, only to see someone up ahead swerve over two lanes while in a hurry to get wherever it is that's more important to them than the lives and safety of others? Have you ever thought, what if the purpose of those children was only to slow me down today? What if, in Nature's or God's or Chaos' own way, things were orchestrated in such a manner to prevent me from being 20 feet ahead of my current position on this road in this car on this day on my way to this place from this home in this city with these parents in this country.. on this planet? Isn't that insanely arrogant? But I think it, I wonder about it. And I wonder, then, if by some strange chance that is true, what happens from here? Everything they do from then on, is their own. There is no more plan, no more purpose. Everything else is just extra credit. But they may spend their entire life searching for a purpose that they'd never know. They may change nations with the flick of their tongue, never knowing that is was just some boy on some road decades ago who never amounted to anything. And how many times per day do we narrowly miss such disasters?

Something is going to happen. Soon. I can feel it.

But what?

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One more thing [03 Feb 2003|03:27am]
I should also mention that I'd love to hear any and all thoughts on anything I ever discuss--here or anywhere--from anyone and everyone. So please, if you have an opinion and are so willing, share it.
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Quote of the century: [03 Feb 2003|09:37am]
[ mood | awake ]

"Today, I learned that the universe. It's really big, like this huge gigantic IMMEASURABLE THING! There are million of galaxies, stars, suns, planets that stretch across this vast thing.

and i know you.

isn't that beautiful? isn't it enough to make you smile?"

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Oy [03 Feb 2003|11:13am]
[ mood | uncomfortable ]

I suddenly got a very painful headache. Like a stabbing sensation behind/above my left eye. Borrowed some Excedrin Migraine from a coworker (it's what I take at home :D ), so I'm going to take the ol' lunchtime nap a little early today. Hopefully a little rest will be rid of it.

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*munches* [03 Feb 2003|01:37pm]
[ mood | amused ]

A coworker offered to go pick up some Chinese food. She knows my weakness o_o;

I've had a longstanding gripe with the supposed "fortunes" in fortune cookies. 99% of the time you get a proverb or even an opinion, rather than a fortune. Today, though, I got a fortune. And a good one at that.

"You will be rewarded for being a good listener."

I'd have to say that's #2 on the list of greatest fortunes I've ever received. I'll take a picture of #1 tonight (some of you have already seen it :)

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mmmmm [03 Feb 2003|03:14pm]
[ mood | working ]

...and a little teriyaki beef jerky for an afternoon snack. I'm going to hear it from my stomach on the next conference call, but who cares? It's worth it :D

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Revelation: [03 Feb 2003|11:06pm]
[ mood | grateful ]

Just when you think you have the greatest desktop ever...


You now have the greatest desktop ever.

I really should get some work done, so I--huh? What was that Ayumi? Yes, Ayumi, I know you're Foxxxy..... whatever you say, Ayumi.

*grumbles* Damn you Ayumi, you win this time.... *dances away*

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