Carlos (tallon29) wrote,

  • Mood:

Space for rent

I was going to write a fair amount tonight. I had a whole set of music set aside to listen to, I was just going to write and let my thoughts go where they would. And maybe something good would come out of it. Maybe some random thought that I stumbled over would help someone.

But now, fuck it.

Why bother, if you can't even help the people closest to you? The people you care about most. I've been considering very heavily lately closing back up. Closing the doors and just working on things myself. All this work, this constant effort to help people. All of this knowledge and experience put to the test when I'm in the middle of it, and not only can I not make it right, but I shoot myself in the foot. From the looks of it, I was aiming for my head.

Fuck. FUCK.

So maybe everything will be ok? Things turn around just like that. Or so it seems. So I hope. With my Sister last night, and now all of this tonight, I've been on a bad footing all day. I know this isn't like me, and normally I'd delete this mess before posting it, but tonight I'm going to let it go. Maybe still it will help someone. Maybe it will help me.
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