I am overcome. There is so much now, weighing so heavy on my heart and mind. It's almost unbearable. Just want to sleep it all away. But I never allow myself to sleep, do I? I'm like some scientist performing experiments on animals or people, but I perform them on myself. Constantly pushing, testing, stressing. How far will I go this time before I break? How close can I get, and still fix everything nice and tight the way it used to be? This game is getting old, but I feel as though I am no longer in control. Even that is not nearly as frightening as feeling weak and vulnerable. It is what I detest more than anything (in myself). And yet here I am. Questioning everything, as I said so assuredly a few days ago. Even going on.