Carlos (tallon29) wrote,
Carlos
tallon29

  • Mood:

Funny Stuff :P



Lost In The Translation

A collection of English subtitles used in films made in Hong Kong

I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.

Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.

Gun wounds again?

A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries.

Damn, I'll burn you into a BBQ chicken!

Take my advice, or I'll spank you without pants.

Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?

Quiet or I'll blow your throat up.

You always use violence. I should've ordered glutinous rice chicken.

I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out!

You daring lousy guy.

Beat him out of recognizable shape!

I got knife scars more than the number of your leg's hair!

Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.

The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold?

How can you use my intestines as a gift?

This will be of fine service for you, you bag of the scum. I am sure you will not mind that I remove your manhoods and leave them out on the dessert floor for your ants to eat.

Yah-hah, evil spider woman! I have captured you by the short rabbits and can now deliver you violently to your gynecologist for a thorough extermination.

Greetings, large person. Let us not forget to form a team up together and go into the country to inflict the pain of our karate feets on some ass of the giant lizard person.

Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.



Not-So-Quotable Quotes


"Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever."
- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss Universe contest

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country."
- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."
- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
- Mariah Carey, pop singer

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."
- Hillary Clinton, commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.

"The police are not here to create disorder. They're here to preserve disorder."
- Chicago Mayor Richard Daley during the 1968 Democratic convention.

"China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese."
- Former French President Charles de Gaulle

"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law."
- David Dinkins, former New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.

"The Internet is a great way to get on the Net."
- Former Republican presidential candidate and Senator, Bob Dole

"Things are more like they are now than they ever were before."
- Former U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
- Former Australian cabinet minister Keppel Enderbery

"We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees."
- Jason Kidd, upon being drafted by the Dallas Mavericks

"Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana.... The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are."
- Matt Lauer, host of NBC's Today show

"It's like an Alcatraz around my neck."
- Boston mayor on the shortage of city parking spaces

"They're multi-purpose. Not only do they put the clips on, but they take them off."
- Pratt & Whitney spokesperson explaining why the company charged the Air Force nearly $1,000 for an ordinary pair of pliers.

"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people."
- Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
- Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle

"The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make them unsafe."
- Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a
federal anti-smoking campaign.

"The president has kept all of the promises he intended to keep."
- Former Clinton aide George Stephanopolous speaking on "Larry King Live".

"After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal, the school board is extremely pleased to announce the appointment of David Steele to the post."
- Philip Streifer, Superintendent of Schools, Barrington, Rhode Island

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it."
- A congressional candidate in Texas

"Without censorship, things can get terribly confused in the public mind."
- General William Westmoreland, during the war in Viet Nam

"What would this country be without this great land of ours?"
- Former President Ronald Reagan



Why did the chicken cross the road?

KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.

PLATO: For the greater good.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.

KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.

TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take.

SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

RONALD REAGAN: I forget.

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.

ANDERSEN CONSULTING: Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Andersen consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-media processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.

LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you see, represents the black man. The chicken 'crossed' the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.

MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, " Thou shalt cross the road. " And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes, Scully. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?

RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.

MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway? "

FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.

OLIVER STONE: The question is not, " Why did the chicken cross the road? " Rather, it is, " Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing? "

DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.

EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.

RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road .. it transcended it.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.

COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?

BILL CLINTON : I did not, and I repeat, I did not have sexual relations with the chicken.
Subscribe
  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic
    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 0 comments